the run down

Ok.

So I thought I should give you the scoop. Make a cheat sheet for you of the guys I’m seeing right now.  

Plus I’m not tired yet because of my epic afternoon nap.

And it’s fun and girly. I admit it.

The Set-up Guy:

This one I probably don’t have to talk about much since he’s mentioned here pretty frequently. If you’re new (or confused), catch up here, here, here, and here. There are other posts, including some of the most recent—I kinda didn’t realize how often I was casually mentioning him until just now—but these are probably the highlights. If you’re not into going back to read old posts, I think the gist is that we were set up by mutual friends; there’s a distance issue that may or may not be remedied this spring; we’ve been on five or six dates; and I really like him. A lot. He’s smart, sweet, forthcoming, and confident about who he is. Talking to him, being with him in general, is easy and comfortable. And he’s very cute. Very. You should see his arms.

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Chemistry:

This is the second guy. We’ve had two dates and it’s basically all we have: physical chemistry. He’s nice, attractive, has a similar divorce story to mine, and seems to have his life together. I just don’t think we have that much in common. Here’s a super petty example:

Our last date, we had pizza and beer and watched Skyfall.

I love James Bond. I grew up on it and take it fairly seriously. In my opinion (which borders pretty closely on generally accepted fact) Sean Connery is the best Bond of the franchise. I think Daniel Craig is a very close second. Possibly even a tie. He brings a lot of depth and pain to Bond that audiences haven’t seen for a long time.

You know who Chemistry’s favorite Bond is?

Roger. Moore.

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Unacceptable.

Some nostalgia for Moore is understandable if he’s the Bond you grew up with. And some of his movies were good.

But the best Bond?

No way.

The only answer worse than that one is Pierce Brosnan. Those movies were awful. Embarrassing. I actually fell asleep in the theater during one of them.

Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby would’ve at least been interesting answers. I wouldn’t have agreed with them, but they would’ve been thought-provoking.

Obviously, I’m not discounting this guy based solely on his James Bond preference. This is just an anecdote representative of other differences I’ve noticed.

I probably won’t go out with him a third time if he asks, but I don’t know. I might, just to make sure I’m right about this …

and also because he’s a spectacular kisser.

Judge me if you must.

Bruce:

Obviously not his real name.

Actually, every one of these guys’ names starts with J and two of the three are lawyers.

I know. I’m begging for sitcom dating confusion.

This third guy reminds me a little of Bruce Willis: shaved head, blue eyes, athletic build, and he’s a little older. He also gets that Bruce-like impish twinkle in his eyes when he’s being flirty.

He’s taken the wining and dining approach. Dates/conversations are always happening amid expensive food and low lighting.

I think we’ve been on four dates now? He’s very different from my usual type. Professional. Relatively sophisticated. Separated (vs divorced), so there’s still some anger there. Politically conservative. Freakishly fastidious. (Everything in his refrigerator is lined up with the label facing outward. It’s aesthetically pleasing but a little Sleeping with the Enemy.)

But he’s very funny—in a sharp, wicked, and sometimes slightly inappropriate way—which I appreciate. And he’s quick with a compliment. Which I definitely appreciate.

Overall, I enjoy spending time with him. But there is some weirdness for me with the age difference. It’s actually not the age—nine years isn’t that big a difference in adulthood—but the stage of life thing.

He has three kids, is self-made, and has settled comfortably into the routine of his life. He’s what I think of as a “real” adult. And even though that’s great and attractive in many ways, it also makes me feel a bit inferior. My life is very much in flux right now, so it seems like we’re not on equal footing.

It also makes me feel a little bit like the people around us—his doormen, waiters, people on the street—assume I’m a gold digger. Some women might get a kick out of this, consider it an ego boost, but for me it feels uncomfortable. Bad. I take a lot of pride in being a kind, ethical person and I don’t like thinking people are making the opposite assumption based solely on who I’m dating.

But I also recognize that these issues are all me, so I’m trying to set them aside as I get to know him.

So far, we’re talking a lot about our kids, our divorces, our high school and college years, and music.

This is a really long post …